Tips for having a difficult conversation with someone contemplating suicide
Talking about suicide is a very uncomfortable topic. But knowing what to say when you think someone may be suicidal can help the person by showing your support, making them feel less alone and allowing them to work through their feelings rather than acting on them. Of course, each situation is different, but these general tips may help you help someone else.
Before getting into suggestions about what to say, it's important to understand that when someone talks about suicide, it is typically not a call for attention. Rather, it is a cry for help. Someone who indicates that they can't go on anymore or is speaking about wanting to die is struggling with feelings that they don't know how to handle. By talking to the person, you may be able to get them the help they need.
It's also important to recognize whether a person is imminently in danger. If you think the person has a plan in place or is indicating that they want to end their life very soon, talking is not enough. In this situation, the best thing to do is call 911 and not leave the person alone. Also take steps to remove any possible means the person may use to end his or her life, such as guns, knives, medications and such.
If a person is hinting at the idea of suicide or is acting or talking in such a way that you think they may be considering suicide, here are some things you can say:
- Ask the person direct and specific questions. Many people think that asking a person if they've thought about hurting themselves or want to kill themselves will make them do it, but talking about suicide doesn't increase the likelihood that they'll follow through with their thoughts. Instead, it makes it more likely that they won't because creating an open dialogue decreases the stigma of what they are feeling and helps them feel less alone. Don't be afraid to ask direct questions such as "Do you want to hurt yourself?" or "Do you have access to weapons?"
- Validate the person's feelings. Don't try to tell the person they shouldn't feel the way they do. Instead, say that you recognize they are struggling and would like to listen to what they are feeling so you can try to help. Use words like "I understand…" and "It sounds like you are feeling…" rather than trying to downplay what they are saying.
- Let them know you are worried. Showing the person that you care enough about them to be worried for their safety helps them feel they are valued. Don't be judgmental or make patronizing comments. Don't get angry or talk down to them. Instead, tell them you think they need help and offer to help them get it, if they're willing to let you.
- Tell them how to access resources. Give them the number of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 988 – and ask them if they would be willing to call while you are there. Also provide them with the names and numbers of other mental health resources, such as counselors or support groups.
Talking about suicide can be very uncomfortable. But being able to start a dialogue with someone who you think may be considering suicide is a critical step in helping a person get the help they need so they don't act on their thoughts.
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Date Last Reviewed: July 17, 2024
Editorial Review: Andrea Cohen, Editorial Director, Baldwin Publishing, Inc. Contact Editor
Medical Review: Perry Pitkow, MD
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